A man from some country that prohibits polygamy married a second wife in secret. He did not register the marriage contract lest he be punished by the laws of his country. The police suspected and followed him until they arrested him in his second wife’s home. Confronting him with the accusation that he had a second wife and thus breached the laws of the country, he evaded the accusation by saying: “Who told you she is my wife? She is not; she is my mistress, and we make love from time to time.” Upon that, the investigators apologized to him: “We are so sorry for this misunderstanding. We thought she was your wife. We did not know she is your mistress!” Thus, the man was set free, for his country regards adultery as aright of personal freedom, while it forbids polygamy!”

The logical incongruity in the above scenario mirrors the stack reality of our contemporary society – get punished for legitimizing it and be applauded for keeping it illegitimate. In the words of one of our respected brothers, UAC Aliu, many who don’t practice polygamy practice wayogamy (a euphemistic way of saying illegitimate plural relationship).

Marriage to more than one wife at the same time – Polygamy – is a practice as old as the history of man. Many peoples and religions prior to Islam permitted marriage to a host of women, whose number reached tens and sometimes hundreds, without any condition or restriction. Islam, on the other hand, does not order its followers to be polygamous, but it allows them a qualified concession to marry more than one wife so as to provide practicable solutions to some real-life problems and to satisfy the needs of human nature. It laid down definite restrictions (limiting to four, the maximum number of wives a man might have) and ordained a strict condition of fairness in treatment, financial support, time sharing, and all practical aspects of married life, but not in matters of love and affection, as that is not controlled by man’s will.

This topic is sensitive and, as such, cannot be handled in deference to individual persuasions and prejudices. It is an ordainment of Allah Himself, and “it is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger, have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision [Surah Al-Ahzab 33:36]. If you are not convinced by Allah’s laws, it does not mean that the laws are imperfect, rather it means that the wisdom behind His legislation transcends the limits of your comprehension. Allah is the Creator, He knows what is best for His creation, and there is no imperfection in His legislation.

Do We Need Polygamy?

Islam does not raise the spectra of hollow idealism, or dreamy theorization that clashes with man’s nature and the needs of his practical life. It is a system that cares about man’s morality and the purity of society. It provides human solutions to complex situations while avoiding extremes. It does not allow a situation to exist if it is likely to lead to the weakening of moral values and the corruption of society. It works for the creation of a social order that promotes moral values and the purity of society with minimum effort on the parts of both the individual and society. We have to keep all these essential qualities of the Islamic system in view when looking at the question of polygamy.

Imbalance in the Ratio of Men to Women

We see, firstly, that there has always been many practical cases, in different societies, in the past and in the present, where the number of women of marriageable age exceeds the number of men who may get married. In addition, the spectrum of choices is further narrowed for the Muslim woman, as it is absolutely not permissible under any circumstances in Islamic law (shari’ah) for her to marry a disbeliever, be he Christian, Jew, or Zoroastrian. [Al-Mumtahina (60): 10, Al-Baqarah (2): 221]

However, unmarried women feel deprived of their natural needs to be wives and mothers, which makes them liable to experience different psychological disorders. Besides, the rising number of unmarried women increases adultery in general, as not all unmarried women will seek solace in divine guidance and abstinence; some would take their right to have a male companion through forbidden practices. Some others might carry great hatred for the society that deprived them of marriage and seek revenge through destroying settled homes. Therefore, the surplus of women over men is an existential problem that cannot be swept under the carpet or left to society to deal with arbitrarily.

Here we find ourselves facing three alternatives:

1. Each man who is fit to get married marries one woman of marriageable age. Therefore, onewoman or more, according to the ratio of imbalance, inevitably remains outside marriage, and goes through her life in bitter deprivation without ever knowing a man.

2. Every man who can marry gets married to one woman in a healthy, legitimate relationship. He, then, has an illicit relationship with one or more of the women who do not have legitimate male partners.

3. Men who are able to get married, or some of them, actually marry more than one wife. In this way, the second woman associates with a man as an honourable wife, not as a mistress ora plaything for licentious men.

The first alternative clashes with human nature and places a great burden on the woman who is made to go through life without ever having a man with whom to share her life. This fact cannot be ignored, even on the basis of idealistic claims that argue when a woman works and earns her own living, she does not need a man. The need goes much deeper than such superficiality. Neither a job nor a high income can replace a woman’s natural need to live normally with a man, to satisfy her physical urges as well as her emotional and spiritual needs, and to have a companion with whom to share her life. A man works and earns his living, yet this too is not enough for him. Therefore, he seeks a partner and a companion. Men and women are alike in this regard, because they descend from a single soul.

The second alternative promotes immorality and is in sharp conflict with Islam, the religion of purity.

It is the third alternative that Islam adopts as a qualified concession and a healing remedy to a situation that cannot be dealt with by simply shrugging our shoulders or by espousing hollow idealism. And who can give better judgement than Allah?” [Al-Ma’idah (5):50]

Variation in Male and Female Fertility Brackets

From another point of view, we see in all human societies, ancient and modern, past and present, another real problem that cannot be brushed aside. The period of a man’s fertility extends to the age of 70, sometimes even beyond. In the case of women, fertility ends at around the age of 50. This means that there is, on average, 20 years of fertility in a man’s life with no corresponding fertility in a woman. There is no doubt that one of the purposes of joining the two different sexes in marriage is to promote life and build the earth through procreation. It does not fit with this natural situation to prevent humanity from making use of man’s longer period of fertility. What fits with this practical situation is that legislation that is applicable to all societies in all ages should provide this concession, not as an obligation, but as an option to benefit human life in general. This balancing between legislation and human nature is always generally absent in manmade laws. Left to himself, man cannot consider all details or look at a situation from all angles, and cannot provide for all eventualities. Only Allah’s laws encompass all realities and eventualities.

Widows and Divorcees

Every woman wishes to get married and be happy ever after. However, the decree of Allah overtakes, and some women are divorced or widowed, sometimes at very young age, and sometimes with children. What becomes of these women and the burden they bear? Who marries them, fends for them, and gives them social and psychological protection?

I learnt the story of a wife who vehemently prevented her husband from taking a widow as a second wife. Not long after, she lost her husband and became a widow herself. After a while, she was fortunate to find a man who loved and married her as a second wife. The man’s first wife welcomed her into the family like a sister, contrary to her expectation. The woman penned down her experience and greatly regretted preventing her husband, while he was alive, from offering the same kind of assistance she later benefitted from to her fellow Muslimah.

There are already more than enough single women for the single men to choose from. So, the chances of having a single man marry a widow or divorcee with children are quite slim. Moreover, such marriage is not advisable as, in most cases, the couple would have serious compatibility issues: the woman is experienced, the man is a fresher, getting to know a woman and getting to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage for the first time. The woman caries with her, the memories of her former husband with whom she had had intimate relationship, and these memories, good or bad, affect and influence her behaviour, attitude, and mood from time to time. The inexperienced man would not find this easy, and would readily be overwhelmed and asphyxiated with the marital pressures. It takes an experienced man to put in the amount of patience and wisdom such relationship demands.

Sexual Satisfaction

Contrary to common notion, a woman is more likely to enjoy her husband sexually in a polygamy than in a monogamy. The more a couple live together, the less they have sexual intercourse due to monotony or what is described as the Coolidge effect (refer to my earlier article on pornography).

However, a man with more than one wife is more likely to have sex with each and every of them than a man with only one, as he is less likely to have monotony of sex with any of his wives. Similarly, the cycle of time the woman waits for her turn in a polygamy creates an urge and a desire for sex that she looks forward to, leaving no room for monotony.

Conclusion

The general welfare of the society, as opposed to individual preferences, is one of Islam’s greatest concerns. Polygamy in Islam is not desired for its own sake, or for no natural or social need. It has not been permitted to satisfy carnal desires nor to enable a man to move from one wife to another in the same way as an unscrupulous person moves from one mistress to another. Polygamy is necessary to counter situations of expediency.

If a certain generation abuses this concession and men utilize it to make married life nothing more than a means to satisfy their carnal desires, the blame is not on Islam’s doorstep, as such people do not represent Islam. The blame, also, is not on the type of marriage, but on the one who fails to implement it according to the tenets of Islam. Every marriage, be it polygamous or monogamous, has its challenges. A man with more than one wife is likely to be more tolerant and patient with them individually in the face of marital discord, than a man with one wife with whom he is constantly at loggerheads. This ultimately lowers the rate of divorce.

May Allah establish our hearts and feet firmly on the path of truth and save us from the delusions of this worldly life.

Abu Bilaal Abdulrazaq bn Bello bn Oare