Introduction: The Paradox of Modern Morality

A man from a country that prohibits polygamy married a second wife in secret, without registering the marriage for fear of punishment. The police, suspecting him, followed and arrested him in his second wife’s home. Confronted with the accusation, he replied,
“Who told you she is my wife? She is not; she is my mistress, and we meet from time to time.”

The investigators immediately apologised:

“We are so sorry for this misunderstanding. We thought she was your wife. We did not know she is your mistress!”
He was set free — for while adultery was regarded as a “personal freedom,” polygamy was a crime.

This paradox mirrors a sad reality in our modern world: you may be punished for legitimising a relationship, yet applauded for keeping it illicit. As one of our respected brothers, UAC Aliu, put it, many who do not practice polygamy practice “wayogamy” — illegitimate plural relationships.

Tragically, many Muslim women today prefer that their husbands engage in unlawful sexual relationships than marry other women lawfully. They admit this openly, even boasting of it. Such women would rather tolerate repeated adultery than see their husbands fulfil Allah’s lawful concession of polygamy.

Polygamy in the Light of Revelation

Marriage to more than one wife — polygamy — is as old as humanity. Before Islam, men could marry tens or even hundreds of wives without restriction. Islam did not introduce polygamy; it regulated it, restricting the number to four and binding it with the strict condition of justice in treatment, financial support, and time allocation.

It is not an obligation, but a qualified concession designed to address real-life challenges and align with human nature. The Qur’an reminds us: “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision.” (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:36)

If we do not understand the wisdom behind a law of Allah, it is not the law that is flawed — rather, our comprehension is limited. Allah is the Creator; He knows best what benefits His creation.

Why Polygamy is Relevant

 1. Imbalance in the Ratio of Men to Women

In many societies — past and present — women of marriageable age outnumber men. For Muslim women, the marriage pool is further narrowed because Islamic law prohibits marriage to non-Muslim men (Al-Mumtahanah 60:10, Al-Baqarah 2:221).

This leaves three possibilities:

1. Some women remain unmarried all their lives, deprived of companionship and motherhood.
2. Married men secretly engage in illicit relationships with unmarried women.
3. Men who are able marry more than one wife, granting the second woman honour, protection, and legitimacy.

Islam chooses the third — not as compulsion, but as a moral remedy that preserves dignity.

2. Different Fertility Windows of Men and Women

Men remain fertile, on average, about 20 years longer than women. This means that there is about 20 years of fertility in a man’s life with no corresponding fertility in a woman. If one purpose of marriage is to build society through procreation, man-made laws that ignore this reality hinder a natural advantage. Allah’s law, on the other hand, provides an optional avenue for its benefit.

3. Support for Widows and Divorcees

Many widows and divorcees — sometimes young, sometimes with children — face a bleak prospect of remarriage. Single men usually prefer unmarried women; inexperienced husbands may also struggle with the emotional and practical demands such marriages require. Polygamy provides a realistic way for experienced men to offer such women stability and companionship.

A telling real-life story:
A woman once blocked her husband from marrying a widow. Not long after, she herself became widowed — and later married a man as his second wife. The first wife welcomed her warmly, and she regretted preventing her late husband from extending the same kindness to another Muslimah.

4. Sexual Fulfilment and the Coolidge Effect

Over time, sexual passion between a single couple can diminish — a biological phenomenon known as the Coolidge Effect. The term comes from a story about U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife. While visiting a government farm, Mrs. Coolidge noticed a rooster mating frequently and asked how often it happened. The guide replied, “Dozens of times each day.” She suggested the President be told. When the President heard, he asked if it was with the same hen each time. The guide said, “Oh no, Mr. President, a different hen each time.” Coolidge replied, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”

In essence, the Coolidge Effect describes how interest often wanes with a familiar mate but is renewed with novelty.

In polygamy, both husband and wives are more likely to maintain anticipation and variety, preventing monotony and increasing mutual satisfaction. The woman herself maintains this anticipation by waiting for her turn in the rotation between the wives. She looks forward to her day, prepares herself physically and emotionally, makes her bed, scents her room, cooks a special meal — all in eager expectation. This cycle of waiting and reunion keeps the spark alive, turning each meeting into a cherished occasion rather than a routine.

Addressing the Misuse Argument

Some argue that polygamy is abused by men for selfish desires. While this does happen, abuse does not nullify the wisdom of the law. Any marriage — monogamous or polygamous — can be corrupted by bad character. The fault lies with the individual, not the institution.

Indeed, polygamous husbands are often more patient and tolerant toward their wives individually, as the alternation of time and space allows tempers to cool — which can reduce the rate of divorce.

A Warning Against Rejecting Allah’s Law

It is distressing to see Muslim women who claim to love Allah and His Messenger (ﷺ) fiercely oppose a clear legislation of Allah — sometimes resorting to blackmail, sorcery, or even violence to block their husbands from polygamy.

They must remember Allah’s words:

“The sorcerer will never succeed, wherever he is.” [Surah Taha 20:69]

And the Prophet’s (ﷺ) warning:

“Whoever goes to a fortune-teller and believes what he says has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad (ﷺ).” [Ibn Majah]

Conclusion

Polygamy in Islam is not designed for indulgence, but for social stability, moral preservation, and realistic problem-solving. When practised according to the Qur’an and Sunnah, it honours women, protects men from immorality, and strengthens families.

If a generation abuses this concession, the blame lies on their deviation — not on the divine law itself. Every law of Allah is rooted in wisdom, whether or not we see it at first glance.

May Allah establish our hearts firmly on the truth and protect us from the deceptions of this world.

Abu Bilaal Abdulrazaq bn Bello bn Oare